Monday, 6 September 2010

Breaking the silence

So...I have been extremely quiet for some time now. Still reading the blogs I follow but not commenting or writing my own.

My Second Life took an unexpected turn a few weeks ago. I was just milling about aimlessly as I have a tendency to do no matter which avatar I am in and one of those messages popped up about one of my contacts being online. It was a message I had not seen in some SL husband Revan. No advance warning...he was just there. It turned out to be one of those moments when you are not really sure that it is happening. I mean, he has been missing for so long, was it really him? In fact the first thing I said to him was "Is that you?" He has been in and out of SL a lot. Due to his real life situation, he is not in-world as much as he used to be, but it is great that he is there again. It would of course be nice if he tidied up after himself, but such is the nature of men...

My real life has been rather strained and strange. I have gone through a lot emotionally for over a year now and taken so many pills that some days I don't even feel like me any more. Some days I only wake up so I can have a nap... I started counselling a few weeks ago. I have done it when there have been difficult times in my life in the past, but this is so different to any of the other experiences. I have actually found a therapist who doesn't just make me talk about things; she makes me question why I act and think the way I do. There is no coercion, it just flows naturally from the conversation. I have been on a rollercoaster journey of unpicking my past and am now at the stage where there is a vital question to be answered - who am I? I have come to realise that I spent so many years trying to be the person that people wanted me to be, that I no longer know who the real me is. Maybe in time I will find out. Fingers crossed.

1 comment:

  1. Not know a good word to wish you. When I say, "I wish you much luck", it feels like when you go to a casino and "wishing you the best" feels as a goodbye. I just hope that you find what you want and that you will be happy with it.