Nidge Bracken has become an occasional visitor to the virtual world and does very little other than sit at home (a Linden home at that) and buy boots while listening to the radio. Maybe I should get out more - which is something that is true of my real life too.
Monday, 16 January 2012
Wow!
I knew it had been a while since I posted here, but I didn't realise it has been sooooooo long. I suppose that's what happens when you are blogging based on your Second Life and that life...kind of...dies.
Monday, 30 May 2011
Friday, 27 May 2011
Home Sweet Home
It has been a while since I lost my land in SL - as I could no longer afford the tiers for half a homestead. I have been forced to take refuge in my Linden Home. I have tried to do the best I can with it and feedback from visitors has been positive, but I hate it. It is one of the most depressingly bland and badly laid out builds in SL.
The building is long and narrow and spread over two floors. I have had to use low prim everything in order to make the space not look so empty. Thank heavens for PrimSavers for sofas, chairs and screens. Furnishing a two storey property on 117 prims is not easy.
Having studied architecture as part of my interior design training, the shape, size and layout of the building makes little sense to me. The sliding door does not match the style of the build, the windows don't have a standard tinting mechanism, the fire is modern but ugly and has a chimney which would empty in to the second floor room, there is a balcony on the second floor that is useless, doors and windows are badly arranged, etc.
Whilst I realise that it is not a real house, it would have been nice if the builder could have taken some real life design considerations with regard to layout and architecture.
I hate that the house is in the middle of a "housing estate" which is mostly empty. This makes packing the houses in so tightly rather ridiculous. I have a lovely view from one of the windows of the wall of the empty house next door. The thing I hate most is being landlocked. I am surrounded by other buildings with no real view and I so miss having a home by the sea. Every home I have had with the exception of my first skybox has been on the edge of a sim. It may sound odd but I love sitting by the water and watching the sunset.
I would settle for a small rental property somewhere until I get back on my feet financially, but I haven't found anything suitable yet. I shall keep looking.
The building is long and narrow and spread over two floors. I have had to use low prim everything in order to make the space not look so empty. Thank heavens for PrimSavers for sofas, chairs and screens. Furnishing a two storey property on 117 prims is not easy.
Having studied architecture as part of my interior design training, the shape, size and layout of the building makes little sense to me. The sliding door does not match the style of the build, the windows don't have a standard tinting mechanism, the fire is modern but ugly and has a chimney which would empty in to the second floor room, there is a balcony on the second floor that is useless, doors and windows are badly arranged, etc.
Whilst I realise that it is not a real house, it would have been nice if the builder could have taken some real life design considerations with regard to layout and architecture.
I hate that the house is in the middle of a "housing estate" which is mostly empty. This makes packing the houses in so tightly rather ridiculous. I have a lovely view from one of the windows of the wall of the empty house next door. The thing I hate most is being landlocked. I am surrounded by other buildings with no real view and I so miss having a home by the sea. Every home I have had with the exception of my first skybox has been on the edge of a sim. It may sound odd but I love sitting by the water and watching the sunset.
I would settle for a small rental property somewhere until I get back on my feet financially, but I haven't found anything suitable yet. I shall keep looking.
Second Pride
As a result of going to Second Pride, my pic made it on to a couple of blogs!
Eddi Haskell's Blog
Jeff Ellsworth's Blog
Eddi Haskell's Blog
Jeff Ellsworth's Blog
Who is Nidge Bracken?
Sometimes people forget that there is a person behind every avatar and that they have feelings. I am sure I have done it too. Recently I received criticism that I kind of took to heart. Aside from the outfits I wore for Fantasy Pride and some of the ludicrous things I have worn to Second Pride, Nidge Bracken is essential me, Nigel Hirst - also known as Nidge (oddly enough).
My avatar was created as an ordinary sort of person that you could pass in the street - apart from being over seven feet tall obviously. My skin, hair and eyes are all natural colours, my body shape is fairly standard (i.e. I am not so wide across the shoulders that my legs would collapse under the weight), I don't have any outlandish accessories or such like.
Nidge Bracken is a regular sort of guy; albeit with my eccentricities and odd sense of humour.
The clothing I wear in Second Life is pretty much the style of clothing I would wear in real life - jeans or smart trousers, t-shirt or shirt, jacket and a vast array of shoes. It is unusual to see either of me in sportswear, sweaters, trendy stuff, branded fashion, etc. My avatar often sports long coats because I wear them in RL and I still have the goth tendencies that came to the fore in my 20s so this is sometimes reflected in what Nidge Bracken wears.
Even when I went to Fantasy Pride, some of the outfits I wore were similar to things I have worn or would wear in RL, though obviously I have never had a fish tail or a fox's head in real life... At Second Pride, I did venture quite unsuccessfully (I think) in to standard leather gear. While I have always had a fondness for leather jeans and coats in RL (my £600+ Italian leather trenchcoat being a particular favourite), in RL I have never worn a leather thong and chaps. It just wouldn't be me and I didn't feel overly comfortable in them as Nidge Bracken, but it was Pride so yeah.
So the criticism that kind of wounded me in SL was criticism of my avatar's clothing style. In the past week and a half I have been told that I dress like a child (jeans and a leather jacket), as if I am a noob (I was not wearing freebies) and that I looked old and boring. It has really made me conscious of what I am wearing in RL - perhaps people just don't get my personal style or maybe I actually have none.
My avatar was created as an ordinary sort of person that you could pass in the street - apart from being over seven feet tall obviously. My skin, hair and eyes are all natural colours, my body shape is fairly standard (i.e. I am not so wide across the shoulders that my legs would collapse under the weight), I don't have any outlandish accessories or such like.
Nidge Bracken is a regular sort of guy; albeit with my eccentricities and odd sense of humour.
The clothing I wear in Second Life is pretty much the style of clothing I would wear in real life - jeans or smart trousers, t-shirt or shirt, jacket and a vast array of shoes. It is unusual to see either of me in sportswear, sweaters, trendy stuff, branded fashion, etc. My avatar often sports long coats because I wear them in RL and I still have the goth tendencies that came to the fore in my 20s so this is sometimes reflected in what Nidge Bracken wears.
Even when I went to Fantasy Pride, some of the outfits I wore were similar to things I have worn or would wear in RL, though obviously I have never had a fish tail or a fox's head in real life... At Second Pride, I did venture quite unsuccessfully (I think) in to standard leather gear. While I have always had a fondness for leather jeans and coats in RL (my £600+ Italian leather trenchcoat being a particular favourite), in RL I have never worn a leather thong and chaps. It just wouldn't be me and I didn't feel overly comfortable in them as Nidge Bracken, but it was Pride so yeah.
So the criticism that kind of wounded me in SL was criticism of my avatar's clothing style. In the past week and a half I have been told that I dress like a child (jeans and a leather jacket), as if I am a noob (I was not wearing freebies) and that I looked old and boring. It has really made me conscious of what I am wearing in RL - perhaps people just don't get my personal style or maybe I actually have none.
Monday, 9 May 2011
Sixty Six
It feels like ages since I have blogged, but that is probably because it is ages since I have blogged. Things in my real life (yes, I have one!) reached a head and I could not really muster any enthusiasm for anything in Second Life. Not that my SL was particularly excellent. My RL finances crumbled completely and I was forced to give up my land in SL. I have moved on a few times since I first rented in SL but I felt at home this time because it was a nice secluded beach property on a residential homestead sim (i.e. not much traffic). I then totally fell out with property managers over a comment one of them made in group chat. He described one of the gay sims as being the sort of place that if you dropped your wallet, you kicked it to the next sim before bending over to pick it up. As the estate had launched it's own gay sim to a fanfare of trumpets a few months before, it seemed a particularly insensitive comment. I complained (quite strongly) in a notecard to the estate owner and the executive officer. I am the kind of person who once my beliefs are challenged, will go on a crusade. The considered response from the estate manager was that I was "stupid" and my complaint was an over-reaction. I considered the comment to be homophobic but they legitimised it by saying it was "only a joke". That softened the loss of my land, as I didn't really want to live somewhere that I felt was more about taking my money than actually accepting it's residents. So farewell Serena Estates.
My Gorean alts departed the virtual world they had inhabited for a couple of years because I finally got sick of all the crap. I was once wandering through a non Gorean sim and someone IMd me completely out of the blue and warned me to be careful as "Gor destroys people". It was actually a comment I could not argue with as I had seen it happen a few times. No one had warned me when I became a Gorean physician that I would be expected to act as RL counsellor to 'slaves' shattered by the actions of their insensitive 'owners'. Oddly enough, I tried life as a Gorean slave and found that despite being a submissive person, I am no one's slave! In the true spirit of the Gorean books, I would have been put to death for my outspoken tendencies! SL Gor seems to work between two differing states. One is that of complete boredom because nothing happens for hours/days/weeks and there is no city roleplay because everyone is either in their homes shagging or trolling round Hubs or Starbucks. The flip side of the coin is when a raid happens. Cue bitching, OOC drama, insults, cries of "invalid", etc.
I had actually gone to SL Gor looking for something specific. Having read some of the books, I liked the idea of a community gathered together for the welfare of the city and each other. It was something that I had not found within what is loosely termed the 'gay community'. I didn't find it in SL Gor either. Maybe such a thing does not exist or maybe it is because I went to gay Gor which is an extension of the gay community. In both the SL gay community and SL gay Gor, I found the same thing - cliques. If you are part of the clique, you are fine. If you are not, then you are screwed (and not in a good way). Of course, anyone who has seen Heathers or Mean Girls knows what happens to cliques!
My Gorean alts departed the virtual world they had inhabited for a couple of years because I finally got sick of all the crap. I was once wandering through a non Gorean sim and someone IMd me completely out of the blue and warned me to be careful as "Gor destroys people". It was actually a comment I could not argue with as I had seen it happen a few times. No one had warned me when I became a Gorean physician that I would be expected to act as RL counsellor to 'slaves' shattered by the actions of their insensitive 'owners'. Oddly enough, I tried life as a Gorean slave and found that despite being a submissive person, I am no one's slave! In the true spirit of the Gorean books, I would have been put to death for my outspoken tendencies! SL Gor seems to work between two differing states. One is that of complete boredom because nothing happens for hours/days/weeks and there is no city roleplay because everyone is either in their homes shagging or trolling round Hubs or Starbucks. The flip side of the coin is when a raid happens. Cue bitching, OOC drama, insults, cries of "invalid", etc.
I had actually gone to SL Gor looking for something specific. Having read some of the books, I liked the idea of a community gathered together for the welfare of the city and each other. It was something that I had not found within what is loosely termed the 'gay community'. I didn't find it in SL Gor either. Maybe such a thing does not exist or maybe it is because I went to gay Gor which is an extension of the gay community. In both the SL gay community and SL gay Gor, I found the same thing - cliques. If you are part of the clique, you are fine. If you are not, then you are screwed (and not in a good way). Of course, anyone who has seen Heathers or Mean Girls knows what happens to cliques!
Friday, 11 February 2011
ALTered Images
So...people probably know that I have alt accounts in SL. I was rather shocked to discover that a system exists within SL to track alts. The RedZone Security system apparently uses a flaw in parcel media to detect and store users IP addresses. The IP addresses are linked to avatar names and cross-referenced within the system, thus showing an IP address and ALL avatars using it. Of course, this will show up alt accounts, families/couples who use the same computer for individual accounts, anyone using public computers and so on. The list is available to users of the RedZone system. A JIRA exists if anyone wants to read more or vote to remove this invasion of privacy from the grid.
RedZone Security JIRA
RedZone Security JIRA
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
Art Maze 2011:An Interactive Art Exhibition
After a particularly bad day in real life, I went in to SL and had received a notice in one of the groups I am a member of, Survivors of Suicide. I explored some of the exhibits - it's funny, the exhibit on mental health struck a chord with me as I was feeling particularly screwed up.
Art Maze 2011
Art Maze 2011
Sunday, 2 January 2011
New Year Blues
So...New Year is a strange time for a lot of people. From the enforced joy of the Christmas season to the enforced celebration of the old year and the enthusiasm for the year ahead. Not everyone feels the festive spirit. I want to be happy but it doesn't always coincide with the festivals that are generally celebrated. Sometimes the depression takes hold and I do not feel like being around people or being jolly; I want to sit by myself and mope. I learned a long time ago that if I am in the grip of depression, I may as well embrace it rather than fighting it - it actually seems to go past quicker if I approach it with the "okay, let's get it over with attitude" as opposed to "I won't allow it".
Looking back over the old year can be hard - we all go through difficult times. Those we love are not always there to celebrate with us because of other commitments or because they have been taken away by accidents, ailments or disease. We don't always have someone who we can call special in our lives, our working life may not be what we would have wished for, our family lives may be lacking.
Before Christmas I had started work on some pictures in Second Life. They had been sparked by my involvement with the Survivors of Suicide Project in-world. I found the whole process of creating them to be cathartic, until I acted one of them out in real life. It was mostly accidental - I was tired of feeling exhausted all the time and decided to stop taking my pills. Going cold turkey proved too much and after about three days I was so desperate that I started taking them again. Of course, they are not instant so when I did not get any relief, I took some more. And some more. And some more. Thankfully the new wave of anti-depressants makes you ill in the short term rather than causing permanent damage and the chances of overdose are slim unless you are really determined. Not everyone is so fortunate - the guy across the street from me was found hanged shortly before Christmas. Horrible for his family, horrible for him - dying alone under such circumstances.
So...my pictures. These are not meant to glorify anything and I would suggest that if you are off a nervous disposition you may wish to not view them. Mental ill-health is a taboo topic, but for as long as it is, people will slip quietly away without the help they so need.
Looking back over the old year can be hard - we all go through difficult times. Those we love are not always there to celebrate with us because of other commitments or because they have been taken away by accidents, ailments or disease. We don't always have someone who we can call special in our lives, our working life may not be what we would have wished for, our family lives may be lacking.
Before Christmas I had started work on some pictures in Second Life. They had been sparked by my involvement with the Survivors of Suicide Project in-world. I found the whole process of creating them to be cathartic, until I acted one of them out in real life. It was mostly accidental - I was tired of feeling exhausted all the time and decided to stop taking my pills. Going cold turkey proved too much and after about three days I was so desperate that I started taking them again. Of course, they are not instant so when I did not get any relief, I took some more. And some more. And some more. Thankfully the new wave of anti-depressants makes you ill in the short term rather than causing permanent damage and the chances of overdose are slim unless you are really determined. Not everyone is so fortunate - the guy across the street from me was found hanged shortly before Christmas. Horrible for his family, horrible for him - dying alone under such circumstances.
So...my pictures. These are not meant to glorify anything and I would suggest that if you are off a nervous disposition you may wish to not view them. Mental ill-health is a taboo topic, but for as long as it is, people will slip quietly away without the help they so need.
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Stored Away
So...in real life I trained as an interior designer (amongst many other things) and it was one of the subjects that I taught at college. As far as teaching went, it was domestic interiors, but in my own training I covered things such as commercial interiors and architecture. This combined with my love of shopping(!) means that when I am browsing around stores in-world, I don't just look at what is for sale. In fact, unless I want something specific, I am more likely to check out the build and store layout first. Yes, I know, I am weird.
I guess I work on first impressions. If I land in an interesting store, it makes me want to spend time looking around. If I land in some place hideous, I want to leave as quickly as I can. I am sure I can't be the only person like this, so the thing I sometimes wonder is do store owners consider the visual impact and aesthetics of their actual store when setting it up or do they just dump their creations in to it?
I have had stores in the past and even if it was just a stall giving away freebies to newbies, I tried to make it look appealing. Of course, if you are renting a store or space in a mall, you can't always have full creative control over the environment, but you can overlay walls and floors with your own textured prims if you have enough of a prim allowance. The thing that really gets me is when a creator goes to the effort of building their own store. It shows off more of their creativity and allows them to have control over display of their own content. Sadly this can backfire. If a content creator has built their own store, I am dubious of buying any of their work if:
-the colours clash
-the textures are flickering due to prim overlap
-there are untextured edges - so you get a flash of plywood as your camera moves around
-there are gaps in the walls
It does not fill me with hope that their actual items for sale will be put together any better.
As a fan of various hunts, I have been in many stores and some of them are, in my opinion, vile. A checkerboard floor can look great - but it depends on getting the scale of the checks right for the size of the store. Also the impact of fuchsia pink or cyan and black tiles can be visually unappealing. A store in a single colour can look elegant...if the colour is right. A totally black store or a dark red one just shows a lack of imagination or design flair. There is one store that is often part of hunts and I actively avoid it - every single element within the build has had the Shininess set to High. The whole store has a reflective glow that gives me a very real migraine in less than five minutes. Okay you want to theme your store as having a metallic feel....but every part?
Much the same as in real life, a store can soon become tired and dated. Something that looks great when set up looks old six months later. You don't have to change everything about a store to refresh it, use any accents you have wisely and you can keep the store looking as good as new.
Of course there are other elements to a store that can have an impact - and many of them are negative. Not everyone has a top of the range gaming PC with a graphics card so advanced that it can almost render the 2D world as a 3D one. No matter what anyone says to me about LOD, some sculpts take ages to rez for me. I really hate The Wonder Chair...a Lucky Chair variation that is sculpted and looks like a twisted Z to me far too long than I care to be around it. I have also seen entire store fronts that are sculpted. If it takes me five minutes to find the door, the chances are that I won't be going in because I am already two teleports away.
I like an interesting store layout, but I don't want to spend hours in a maze falling down levels because the floor is incomplete or the invisible prims that are part of the sculpted stairs do not go all the way to the edge of the sculpt. Nor do I want to look at a store that is the size of a warehouse but has no more a dozen items arranged feebly around the walls of the store and nothing else in it. Either get a smaller store or put out more content. It is easy to dress a store to make it look more interesting.
There are also those automated ways that shoppers are greeted - being hit by particles in the form of flowers, etc, little fairies that come to greet you and then make noises as they follow you around the store, 1001 'cute' animals tripping you as you try to shop and 20,000 sculpted animated noobs raoming around for no reason...it's like being in some second rate zombie movie.
And my final annoyance (at least for this posting) as far as store owners goes relates to the gender of shoppers. There are those stores that cater to men and women...but have freebies, Midnight Mania, Letter of the Week, Mini Mania for only one gender. And here is a hint for store owners - two outfits does not constitute a menswear department!
Last point (i.e. rant almost over), something that store owners have no control over...the shoppers! If your group tag or title says things like 'Spirit Fucker', you maybe should not be on a PG sim and if you cannot communicate with your friends without the constant need of gestures, it is time you logged off and read a book...preferably a dictionary.
I guess I work on first impressions. If I land in an interesting store, it makes me want to spend time looking around. If I land in some place hideous, I want to leave as quickly as I can. I am sure I can't be the only person like this, so the thing I sometimes wonder is do store owners consider the visual impact and aesthetics of their actual store when setting it up or do they just dump their creations in to it?
I have had stores in the past and even if it was just a stall giving away freebies to newbies, I tried to make it look appealing. Of course, if you are renting a store or space in a mall, you can't always have full creative control over the environment, but you can overlay walls and floors with your own textured prims if you have enough of a prim allowance. The thing that really gets me is when a creator goes to the effort of building their own store. It shows off more of their creativity and allows them to have control over display of their own content. Sadly this can backfire. If a content creator has built their own store, I am dubious of buying any of their work if:
-the colours clash
-the textures are flickering due to prim overlap
-there are untextured edges - so you get a flash of plywood as your camera moves around
-there are gaps in the walls
It does not fill me with hope that their actual items for sale will be put together any better.
As a fan of various hunts, I have been in many stores and some of them are, in my opinion, vile. A checkerboard floor can look great - but it depends on getting the scale of the checks right for the size of the store. Also the impact of fuchsia pink or cyan and black tiles can be visually unappealing. A store in a single colour can look elegant...if the colour is right. A totally black store or a dark red one just shows a lack of imagination or design flair. There is one store that is often part of hunts and I actively avoid it - every single element within the build has had the Shininess set to High. The whole store has a reflective glow that gives me a very real migraine in less than five minutes. Okay you want to theme your store as having a metallic feel....but every part?
Much the same as in real life, a store can soon become tired and dated. Something that looks great when set up looks old six months later. You don't have to change everything about a store to refresh it, use any accents you have wisely and you can keep the store looking as good as new.
Of course there are other elements to a store that can have an impact - and many of them are negative. Not everyone has a top of the range gaming PC with a graphics card so advanced that it can almost render the 2D world as a 3D one. No matter what anyone says to me about LOD, some sculpts take ages to rez for me. I really hate The Wonder Chair...a Lucky Chair variation that is sculpted and looks like a twisted Z to me far too long than I care to be around it. I have also seen entire store fronts that are sculpted. If it takes me five minutes to find the door, the chances are that I won't be going in because I am already two teleports away.
I like an interesting store layout, but I don't want to spend hours in a maze falling down levels because the floor is incomplete or the invisible prims that are part of the sculpted stairs do not go all the way to the edge of the sculpt. Nor do I want to look at a store that is the size of a warehouse but has no more a dozen items arranged feebly around the walls of the store and nothing else in it. Either get a smaller store or put out more content. It is easy to dress a store to make it look more interesting.
There are also those automated ways that shoppers are greeted - being hit by particles in the form of flowers, etc, little fairies that come to greet you and then make noises as they follow you around the store, 1001 'cute' animals tripping you as you try to shop and 20,000 sculpted animated noobs raoming around for no reason...it's like being in some second rate zombie movie.
And my final annoyance (at least for this posting) as far as store owners goes relates to the gender of shoppers. There are those stores that cater to men and women...but have freebies, Midnight Mania, Letter of the Week, Mini Mania for only one gender. And here is a hint for store owners - two outfits does not constitute a menswear department!
Last point (i.e. rant almost over), something that store owners have no control over...the shoppers! If your group tag or title says things like 'Spirit Fucker', you maybe should not be on a PG sim and if you cannot communicate with your friends without the constant need of gestures, it is time you logged off and read a book...preferably a dictionary.
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Rant!
So...I make no secret of the fact I have alts. I make no secret that I love to role play in SL Gor. Today I am making no secret of something else - people in SL Gor are pissing me off with their sheer fuckwittedness.
There are general comments people make in SL; "no drama"..."keep SL and RL separate"..."remember there are real people behind every avatar"...
Well what a load of old hooey. A load of old hooey that gets magnified a thousand times when people start role playing.
No drama
Some people absolutely live for the drama. They manipulate storylines, they manipulate others. They delight in causing as much mayhem and harm as they possibly can.
Keep SL and RL separate
A lovely idea but only truly practical if you are a sociopath. You can keep them separate by not revealing your real name, where you live, what work you do, what gender you really are... BUT if you are a functioning human being you have emotions and feelings. You can't keep these separate (see disclaimer for sociopaths). You have a good day, it reflects in your character. You have a bad day, that shows too. No matter how good an actor you are, part of the real you will always leak in to whatever role you are playing.
Remember there are real people behind every avatar
Yes there are and so many people seem to forget this despite shouting it out when someone upsets them. Actions and words have consequences. Doesn't matter whether you are dancing in a club or playing a role. If you keep your actions and words "in character", you can minimise actual hurt to other people but you can't always avoid it. Saying or doing something to someone who has had a day from hell can still upset them even if it is part of the role play. You both need to be grown up enough to talk it through calmly and move past it. It steps across boundaries when someone is deliberately malicious for the sake of causing upset.
I have a friend who has been through a lot lately - like who hasn't, right? But he is actually suffering from bereavement due to the death of a parent. The way he has been treated supposedly in-character within the world of SL Gor makes my blood boil - and the out of character comments have compounded it. I am tempted to name and shame those involved as they have done nothing but bitch, whine and create out of character drama in everything they have done...and then they treat a human being with an appalling disregard when they were fully aware of his personal circumstances.
Moment of total honesty - please don't read this if you are of a nervous disposition. When I role play in SL Gor as either a Free or a slave I have a rule - no rape scenarios. I have a good reason for this - I know from personal experience that there is no fun to be had in any kind of sexual assault. I voiced this opinion to someone recently...someone who is involved with the crowd who have caused so much upset to my friend. The response I was given was that I should not be role playing in Gor then...since I am "handicapped". That was his actual word - "handicapped". If I could have gotten my hands on him in real life, I would have ripped his throat out.
One last point...for those of you who have in your profile "I share conversations and by speaking to me you agree to this. This note is in accordance with the TOS", you are talking out of your arse. The Community Standards you agree to as part of the Terms of Service stand as a legally binding contract between you and Linden Labs. You cannot wave a magic wand and make that part of the agreement disappear...get a fucking clue.
And now on a brighter note, a little music...hope you all enjoy but I would like to dedicate it to several Gorean Masters I have had the displeasure of meeting in SL...
Gorean Masters in SL
There are general comments people make in SL; "no drama"..."keep SL and RL separate"..."remember there are real people behind every avatar"...
Well what a load of old hooey. A load of old hooey that gets magnified a thousand times when people start role playing.
No drama
Some people absolutely live for the drama. They manipulate storylines, they manipulate others. They delight in causing as much mayhem and harm as they possibly can.
Keep SL and RL separate
A lovely idea but only truly practical if you are a sociopath. You can keep them separate by not revealing your real name, where you live, what work you do, what gender you really are... BUT if you are a functioning human being you have emotions and feelings. You can't keep these separate (see disclaimer for sociopaths). You have a good day, it reflects in your character. You have a bad day, that shows too. No matter how good an actor you are, part of the real you will always leak in to whatever role you are playing.
Remember there are real people behind every avatar
Yes there are and so many people seem to forget this despite shouting it out when someone upsets them. Actions and words have consequences. Doesn't matter whether you are dancing in a club or playing a role. If you keep your actions and words "in character", you can minimise actual hurt to other people but you can't always avoid it. Saying or doing something to someone who has had a day from hell can still upset them even if it is part of the role play. You both need to be grown up enough to talk it through calmly and move past it. It steps across boundaries when someone is deliberately malicious for the sake of causing upset.
I have a friend who has been through a lot lately - like who hasn't, right? But he is actually suffering from bereavement due to the death of a parent. The way he has been treated supposedly in-character within the world of SL Gor makes my blood boil - and the out of character comments have compounded it. I am tempted to name and shame those involved as they have done nothing but bitch, whine and create out of character drama in everything they have done...and then they treat a human being with an appalling disregard when they were fully aware of his personal circumstances.
Moment of total honesty - please don't read this if you are of a nervous disposition. When I role play in SL Gor as either a Free or a slave I have a rule - no rape scenarios. I have a good reason for this - I know from personal experience that there is no fun to be had in any kind of sexual assault. I voiced this opinion to someone recently...someone who is involved with the crowd who have caused so much upset to my friend. The response I was given was that I should not be role playing in Gor then...since I am "handicapped". That was his actual word - "handicapped". If I could have gotten my hands on him in real life, I would have ripped his throat out.
One last point...for those of you who have in your profile "I share conversations and by speaking to me you agree to this. This note is in accordance with the TOS", you are talking out of your arse. The Community Standards you agree to as part of the Terms of Service stand as a legally binding contract between you and Linden Labs. You cannot wave a magic wand and make that part of the agreement disappear...get a fucking clue.
And now on a brighter note, a little music...hope you all enjoy but I would like to dedicate it to several Gorean Masters I have had the displeasure of meeting in SL...
Gorean Masters in SL
Monday, 6 September 2010
Breaking the silence
So...I have been extremely quiet for some time now. Still reading the blogs I follow but not commenting or writing my own.
My Second Life took an unexpected turn a few weeks ago. I was just milling about aimlessly as I have a tendency to do no matter which avatar I am in and one of those messages popped up about one of my contacts being online. It was a message I had not seen in some time...my SL husband Revan. No advance warning...he was just there. It turned out to be one of those moments when you are not really sure that it is happening. I mean, he has been missing for so long, was it really him? In fact the first thing I said to him was "Is that you?" He has been in and out of SL a lot. Due to his real life situation, he is not in-world as much as he used to be, but it is great that he is there again. It would of course be nice if he tidied up after himself, but such is the nature of men...
My real life has been rather strained and strange. I have gone through a lot emotionally for over a year now and taken so many pills that some days I don't even feel like me any more. Some days I only wake up so I can have a nap... I started counselling a few weeks ago. I have done it when there have been difficult times in my life in the past, but this is so different to any of the other experiences. I have actually found a therapist who doesn't just make me talk about things; she makes me question why I act and think the way I do. There is no coercion, it just flows naturally from the conversation. I have been on a rollercoaster journey of unpicking my past and am now at the stage where there is a vital question to be answered - who am I? I have come to realise that I spent so many years trying to be the person that people wanted me to be, that I no longer know who the real me is. Maybe in time I will find out. Fingers crossed.
My Second Life took an unexpected turn a few weeks ago. I was just milling about aimlessly as I have a tendency to do no matter which avatar I am in and one of those messages popped up about one of my contacts being online. It was a message I had not seen in some time...my SL husband Revan. No advance warning...he was just there. It turned out to be one of those moments when you are not really sure that it is happening. I mean, he has been missing for so long, was it really him? In fact the first thing I said to him was "Is that you?" He has been in and out of SL a lot. Due to his real life situation, he is not in-world as much as he used to be, but it is great that he is there again. It would of course be nice if he tidied up after himself, but such is the nature of men...
My real life has been rather strained and strange. I have gone through a lot emotionally for over a year now and taken so many pills that some days I don't even feel like me any more. Some days I only wake up so I can have a nap... I started counselling a few weeks ago. I have done it when there have been difficult times in my life in the past, but this is so different to any of the other experiences. I have actually found a therapist who doesn't just make me talk about things; she makes me question why I act and think the way I do. There is no coercion, it just flows naturally from the conversation. I have been on a rollercoaster journey of unpicking my past and am now at the stage where there is a vital question to be answered - who am I? I have come to realise that I spent so many years trying to be the person that people wanted me to be, that I no longer know who the real me is. Maybe in time I will find out. Fingers crossed.
Monday, 26 July 2010
Not Myself...
So...I imagine a lot of people will dream about SL or even dream in SL from time to time. I have had some strange SL-inspired dreams over the past few years.
Shortly after renting my first skybox, I had a dream where I was in my new home laying on the bed and a thought occurred to me, "What is keeping this up in the air?" Of course, the skybox then began a rapid descent to the ground below!
I also had a dream, which played on one of the fears behind SL - the person behind the avatar dying. This is something that really bothers me (and I am sure a lot of other people), that someone who is part of your virtual life just disappears and you don't ever know what happened to them. In the case of my dream, I did find out what had happened - I got a message to say that my SL husband, Revan, had died. I made the journey to the US and went to his funeral; only to find when I got there that it was the avatar in the coffin and the person behind Revan was sitting in the front row of the church...
During my afternoon nap (a sign of age) on Saturday, I dreamed that I was in-world and talking to one of my alts. Just to give something of a twist to the scenario of alts, the alt made the shock announcement that they were actually someone else! Perhaps I should mention this to my therapist in case I am going nuts. On wait...I have a therapist; me being nuts is already a well established fact!
Shortly after renting my first skybox, I had a dream where I was in my new home laying on the bed and a thought occurred to me, "What is keeping this up in the air?" Of course, the skybox then began a rapid descent to the ground below!
I also had a dream, which played on one of the fears behind SL - the person behind the avatar dying. This is something that really bothers me (and I am sure a lot of other people), that someone who is part of your virtual life just disappears and you don't ever know what happened to them. In the case of my dream, I did find out what had happened - I got a message to say that my SL husband, Revan, had died. I made the journey to the US and went to his funeral; only to find when I got there that it was the avatar in the coffin and the person behind Revan was sitting in the front row of the church...
During my afternoon nap (a sign of age) on Saturday, I dreamed that I was in-world and talking to one of my alts. Just to give something of a twist to the scenario of alts, the alt made the shock announcement that they were actually someone else! Perhaps I should mention this to my therapist in case I am going nuts. On wait...I have a therapist; me being nuts is already a well established fact!
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Summer Of Love Fair
So...I finally made it to the Summer of Love Fair. I have been trying to get in to it since it opened. The event features previously unreleased works by a host of SL designers and is designed to raise awareness of mental health issues. Obviously I have an interest in such issues - but I was also desperate to get the SF Designs Tuscan suit.
I managed to get in to the fair when only 33 people were there - which is less than half the amount the last time I tried - obviously it is quite laggy. Naturally there were a few annoyances. Given the high number of people, it might be best to edit your appearance somewhere else. There were several avatars wandering around with scripted attachments such as titlers, poofers(!) and nuclear glow face lights that must be able to be seen from five sims away. Yes, a soft face light can enhance your appearance, but something so bright that illuminates every pixel in your skin is not good; it is like watching Desperate Housewives in High Definition. There were a couple of displays that did not rez for me - one of them appeared to have bling/particle effects.
The biggest grievance I had was the absence of music. I hate silence, it makes me edgy. It is rare for me to stay anywhere with no media stream; if you don't want music, you can turn it off but it is harder to play something that is not there. My PC is old and loading Winamp at the same time as SL can be fatal.
There are a plethora of free gifts at the fair and they all come with a note card. The note cards concern a range of mental health issues including eating disorders, sexual abuse, self harm, bullying, bereavement, suicide, ADHD, OCD, gender issues, panic attacks and a whole load more. The majority of gifts are aimed towards the female end of the market - bikinis, dresses, heels and jewellery. There are, however, a few pieces that are unisex or specifically for men. I bought a few items from a couple of the exhibitors, of course. Well, I had nothing to wear...
One of the exhibitors had a poster for Hopeline, with a percentage of proceeds from sales going to them.
There was a female avatar wandering around who caught my attention. I am not sure if the person was a male to female transexual trying for realism but to my mind enormous hands and feet make you look like you are wearing a demo shape.
I was surprised that there was nothing on addiction, but that may be just as well as the Alexohol gift is boxed in a giant cocktail glass. Thankfully the unisex baseball shirt and the two bikinis are the usual high standard of Alexohol. Admittedly I won't be wearing the bikinis - at least not without at least waxing... Speaking of swimwear, I bought the 'outfit' below from ISPACHI.
Finally, a big thank you to Keira Seerose and the team at CHIC for organising an event that showcases the work of SL designers (clothing, poses, jewelery, furntiure) while helping to raise awareness of mental health issues.
Monday, 19 July 2010
Piccy
So...there is a photo contest taking place at TRACS. I do not usually bother with contests and have no expectations towards this; it's not the winning, it's the taking part.
I love the atmosphere at TRACS Saturday party and whether it is Tim DJing or guest DJ JennaRose, I always enjoy the music. Additionally, I can cam the stores from the dancefloor so it is a case of shop while you bop! The summer parties have been held at various venues on the island rather than being confined to the club - this gives a great chance to see what is on offer.
I wanted to show the boys some support in their venture, so I thought "What the hell...put a pic up". And here is the pic I chose...
I love the atmosphere at TRACS Saturday party and whether it is Tim DJing or guest DJ JennaRose, I always enjoy the music. Additionally, I can cam the stores from the dancefloor so it is a case of shop while you bop! The summer parties have been held at various venues on the island rather than being confined to the club - this gives a great chance to see what is on offer.
I wanted to show the boys some support in their venture, so I thought "What the hell...put a pic up". And here is the pic I chose...
Sunday, 18 July 2010
All Alone In The Night
So...my Second Life, or even my Second Lives. I am essentially me when I am in SL. I can't change who I am but I try to reflect different aspects of myself through different avatars, especially when I am role playing in Gor.
My SL husband left SL last Summer due to technical issues. He did come back for a short time in December, but I am not really expecting him to come back again any time soon. So where does that leave me? The simple answer is...alone. Despite my numerous alternate persons, I am by myself. Even in the world of SL Gor, my Free man hardly sees his slave and my slave practically never sees his Master.
None of my other avatars have had a partner; there have been a few dalliances...Revan and I agreed that the alt accounts had a certain amount of freedom so long as our main accounts did not do anything. Of course, I would worry about people's feelings so I decided not to become involved with anyone while I had Revan. It seems unfair to everyone to have multiple personalities with multiple partners - not everyone feels the same, of course.
Sadly for me, the loneliness is becoming hard to take. As I said at the start, I am essentially me in SL...and a loneliness in every life takes a toll on you...bit by bit...day by day...
Okay...enough self-pitying crap for one post, but at least it gives me an excuse for a cracking song!
The Dame
My SL husband left SL last Summer due to technical issues. He did come back for a short time in December, but I am not really expecting him to come back again any time soon. So where does that leave me? The simple answer is...alone. Despite my numerous alternate persons, I am by myself. Even in the world of SL Gor, my Free man hardly sees his slave and my slave practically never sees his Master.
None of my other avatars have had a partner; there have been a few dalliances...Revan and I agreed that the alt accounts had a certain amount of freedom so long as our main accounts did not do anything. Of course, I would worry about people's feelings so I decided not to become involved with anyone while I had Revan. It seems unfair to everyone to have multiple personalities with multiple partners - not everyone feels the same, of course.
Sadly for me, the loneliness is becoming hard to take. As I said at the start, I am essentially me in SL...and a loneliness in every life takes a toll on you...bit by bit...day by day...
Okay...enough self-pitying crap for one post, but at least it gives me an excuse for a cracking song!
The Dame
Saturday, 10 July 2010
Tolerance
So...tolerance is something we are encouraged to practice in all aspects of our lives. I guess it depends on definitions and such, and I really do not want to get in to semantics, but tolerance does not work for me. There is a connotation in the word tolerance that bugs me...it is kind of "well I do not agree with you but I will tolerate you".
There is another word that I prefer and one that I try to practice in my life - acceptance. Acceptance to me means "well I don't agree with you but I accept that is your point of view".
None of us have had the same life experiences. It is those life experiences that make us who we are and shape what we do, what we say, what we think and what we believe. When I am talking with people and they tell me things, I try to relate to them in terms of my own experiences, but I can never fully appreciate their perspective because I am not them. So I accept what they tell me as being true and valid for them - because it is, no matter how alien it may seem to me. Even if I do not agree with them, I will continue to discuss things to help me try to understand them and hopefully show an interest in that person despite our differences.
I really hate the attitude of "you are wrong". There is someone I have to interact with in SL as part of a role play I am involved in. His behaviour suggests his firm belief that he is right and therefore any difference of opinion is wrong, but he will tolerate your presence as one would tolerate any other annoyance - but he has to speak out about it. He seems incapable of accepting that people have their own points of view and their own interests. It makes him very hard to deal with, but you know what? I accept that is him.
There is another word that I prefer and one that I try to practice in my life - acceptance. Acceptance to me means "well I don't agree with you but I accept that is your point of view".
None of us have had the same life experiences. It is those life experiences that make us who we are and shape what we do, what we say, what we think and what we believe. When I am talking with people and they tell me things, I try to relate to them in terms of my own experiences, but I can never fully appreciate their perspective because I am not them. So I accept what they tell me as being true and valid for them - because it is, no matter how alien it may seem to me. Even if I do not agree with them, I will continue to discuss things to help me try to understand them and hopefully show an interest in that person despite our differences.
I really hate the attitude of "you are wrong". There is someone I have to interact with in SL as part of a role play I am involved in. His behaviour suggests his firm belief that he is right and therefore any difference of opinion is wrong, but he will tolerate your presence as one would tolerate any other annoyance - but he has to speak out about it. He seems incapable of accepting that people have their own points of view and their own interests. It makes him very hard to deal with, but you know what? I accept that is him.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
STFU
So...no matter which avatar I am using, I seem to end up dancing in a club at some point as I love music. Something I find really annoying is the use of Voice by anyone other than the DJ. It just seems so rude to talk over the set that someone has put time and effort in to creating. It wouldn't be so bad if the conversation revolved around more than what people had for dinner, how drunk they were, what they watched on the TV or who they slept with the night before. It is especially irritating when you can hear the TV playing in the background...or even worse, the radio... Sometimes it seems as though people who talk forget that those of us who don't, may actually still be able to hear...there is nothing so unwelcoming as someone on voice bitching about other people there...especially when it is the club staff doing the bitching. I have even heard a DJ discussing the real life relationship between two other DJs...I guess Disclosure doesn't count when there is no record. Another note to DJs on Voice, if you sound bored by the music, imagine how the audience feels.
Of course there is another scourge of the SL club scene...gestures. Fine, they can be funny or slot nicely in to the conversation, but when they fill up half the screen or drown out the music, they annoy the crap out of me. My eyesight isn't so good, so I have text size set to maximum; it doesn't take much to blot out my screen. If you need to tell the person you are with that you love them every two minutes, you need to review the stability of your relationship. And if your loved one means so much to you, perhaps you can find something more inventive than a gesture on repeat.
On the subject of gestures, if you work in a club and can't actually engage in a conversation or do a decent emote, but can push an F key to play a different gesture every five minutes, don't expect a tip from me!
Of course there is another scourge of the SL club scene...gestures. Fine, they can be funny or slot nicely in to the conversation, but when they fill up half the screen or drown out the music, they annoy the crap out of me. My eyesight isn't so good, so I have text size set to maximum; it doesn't take much to blot out my screen. If you need to tell the person you are with that you love them every two minutes, you need to review the stability of your relationship. And if your loved one means so much to you, perhaps you can find something more inventive than a gesture on repeat.
On the subject of gestures, if you work in a club and can't actually engage in a conversation or do a decent emote, but can push an F key to play a different gesture every five minutes, don't expect a tip from me!
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Suicide is painless
So...there is a very famous song that was the theme to the movie and TV show M*A*S*H, "Suicide is painless". Of course, suicide is not painless...not for the person who does it, not for the person who survives it nor those around that person. Even an unsuccessful attempt affects more than the person who attempts it - like cracks slowly spreading out across a pane of glass. The effects are visible; almost audible, like a silent scream piercing the fabric of life.
Suicide throws up many questions..."how must they have felt?", "why didn't I see?", "why didn't they come to me for help?", "how could they do this to me?", etc. I have seen suicide from both sides of the mirror. My first experience of suicide was aged 11, when someone at my school took his own life. I am now 40 years old, but that moment when I heard of his death is crystal clear inside my head...I can even tell you which day of the week it was and the time of day.
I have suffered from emotional turmoil since I was at least 17 years old; I have 15 years of therapy (off and on) and two breakdowns under my belt. The closest I ever came to ending my life was a few days before Christmas in 1991. I climbed in to the bath and felt the chill of the cold blade of the knife against my wrist. Not the best Christmas present to give your family. The dark thoughts have persisted throughout my life. Driving a lonely road, I have considered pressing the accelerator and closing my eyes. When prescribed pills, I have considered taking them all at once - odd that you have thoughts of suicide so your doctor gives you the means to do it. The thoughts of cutting haunt my mind. I don't give in to those thoughts...though I do embrace them and let them play out in my mind sometimes.
So what is the thing that stops me? Hope. The hope that things will change. The hope that life will improve - and it does from time to time. The hope for a life unfulfilled to reach it's potential. I have so much left to give - love, passion, vitality, creativity, joy, friendship, companionship...the list goes on, and so do I. Not everyone is so lucky.
This may be a strange admission though - I would not give the darkness up; it is a part of who I am. Until you have experienced the level of despair that causes suicide and the relief of thinking "this is the last day I have with this pain", you cannot fully appreciate what the all-consuming darkness and despair are like.
There are resources in-world that deal with suicide. One of the places I sometimes go and sit quietly is The Survivors of Suicide Project. It is a humbling experience to see the candles that have been lit there and to read the messages for lost lovers, parents, children, friends. There is an art exhibit if you travel through the mirror. A sign by the mirror warns that the exhibits may be 'disturbing'. Good...suicide should be disturbing and uncomfortable and distressing. The works are emotive; they speak of isolation, loneliness, rejection, regret, pain, suffering. They are bold and bloody and fragile and introverted.
A final thought from me on this topic, at least for now anyway. It is hard to tell what is going on in someone's head, to spot the turmoil and anguish they are experiencing. Even harder to see that when all you have to go on is their avatar. Consider your thoughts and actions in-world, they may have a deeper effect than you realise.
Sia - Breathe Me
Suicide throws up many questions..."how must they have felt?", "why didn't I see?", "why didn't they come to me for help?", "how could they do this to me?", etc. I have seen suicide from both sides of the mirror. My first experience of suicide was aged 11, when someone at my school took his own life. I am now 40 years old, but that moment when I heard of his death is crystal clear inside my head...I can even tell you which day of the week it was and the time of day.
I have suffered from emotional turmoil since I was at least 17 years old; I have 15 years of therapy (off and on) and two breakdowns under my belt. The closest I ever came to ending my life was a few days before Christmas in 1991. I climbed in to the bath and felt the chill of the cold blade of the knife against my wrist. Not the best Christmas present to give your family. The dark thoughts have persisted throughout my life. Driving a lonely road, I have considered pressing the accelerator and closing my eyes. When prescribed pills, I have considered taking them all at once - odd that you have thoughts of suicide so your doctor gives you the means to do it. The thoughts of cutting haunt my mind. I don't give in to those thoughts...though I do embrace them and let them play out in my mind sometimes.
So what is the thing that stops me? Hope. The hope that things will change. The hope that life will improve - and it does from time to time. The hope for a life unfulfilled to reach it's potential. I have so much left to give - love, passion, vitality, creativity, joy, friendship, companionship...the list goes on, and so do I. Not everyone is so lucky.
This may be a strange admission though - I would not give the darkness up; it is a part of who I am. Until you have experienced the level of despair that causes suicide and the relief of thinking "this is the last day I have with this pain", you cannot fully appreciate what the all-consuming darkness and despair are like.
There are resources in-world that deal with suicide. One of the places I sometimes go and sit quietly is The Survivors of Suicide Project. It is a humbling experience to see the candles that have been lit there and to read the messages for lost lovers, parents, children, friends. There is an art exhibit if you travel through the mirror. A sign by the mirror warns that the exhibits may be 'disturbing'. Good...suicide should be disturbing and uncomfortable and distressing. The works are emotive; they speak of isolation, loneliness, rejection, regret, pain, suffering. They are bold and bloody and fragile and introverted.
A final thought from me on this topic, at least for now anyway. It is hard to tell what is going on in someone's head, to spot the turmoil and anguish they are experiencing. Even harder to see that when all you have to go on is their avatar. Consider your thoughts and actions in-world, they may have a deeper effect than you realise.
Sia - Breathe Me
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Me...
So I thought I would enliven my blog with a pic...so here is me celebrating moving in to my new beach plot in Serena Estates. In case you haven't guessed, it was a very quiet celebration!
In real life, and I suppose in Second Life, I am very fond of trees and woodland areas. I seem to end up living on beach themed sims in SL. There is something special about having my own little 'island'. Although the neighbours are only a hundred metres away, I suppose it appeals to me because I have always been something of a loner.
Anyway, that's enough of my mental ramblings for one post.
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